Forums Home

Lived Experience Forum

Acceptance, connection, support. Share the journey.

Safe, anonymous discussion for people living with mental illness, moderated 24/7 by mental health professionals.

Read the community guidelines
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Our stories

Senior Contributor

Loss & grief

Hi

I have decided to write again because I need your support. I am holding on through another episode and just so sad. I know the meds must be working as I am coping better with the symptoms mostly. I have to somehow face euthanising my beautiful cat Articulate. There are so many other sad things going on in my world. Or is just because I cannot interpret things better. I have felt this way now for over two months and it just keeps getting worse. I have had a wonderful reprieve for over a year and now it is happening again. I think that this makes it harder. Relapse has been so frequent before. I am so dissapointed in me for letting this happen again 

For my beautiful cat I have had to make the hardest decision, he is now 13 and has renal failure and ostoporisis of the spine. I spent last night with him and have found a horrible lump also. We have held on together for the last year, showering with me as he could not clean himself. I will not subject him to that again. Tomorrow I will prepare his grave, I just so wish that he will be allowed to die here. To take him to the Vet on Wednesday gives us a little more time together. I spent last night remembering when we first met. He was born in my shed. I did not know until one day his mother and her four babies paraded out. I had fed the feral pregnat mother from when she arrived. Sadly she went as did two of his siblings. I am fortunate to have two of these wonderful furrbabies in my life. Articulate has the most astonishing green eyes. My heart is breaking.

12 REPLIES 12

Re: Loss & grief

Hi @Bast, welcome back. I was just thinking about you recently and I'm glad to see you although sorry its under such sad circumstances.
Animals have such beautiful, special hearts, and your love for each of your cats shows that your heart is just as special.
I hope your remaining time with Articulate is peaceful.

Re: Loss & grief

Hi @Bast. I remember how much your cats mean to you and how much love you have for them and am so sorry to hear you have to face another painful loss 😔

Articulate is lucky to have you with the love and care you have for him. I too hope the next few days together are special and peaceful. Will be thinking of you both.

Re: Loss & grief

Thank you for your sypport. Articulate was unable to continue any longer, he was euthanised peacefully today. 

 

Re: Loss & grief

So sorry to hear @Bast 😔

Re: Loss & grief

The story of Articulate.He was born in my shed unbeknowst to me. His mother was feral and yet she saw the special paw prints and came. I fed her twice daily as she was clearly hevily pregant - she was named Hissy and that was Ok.I could not go near here her to try to help her. I ensured she had food & water. She did not turn up for a couple of days. She came back, food & water again. This is 13 years ago. One day she paraded 4 kittens out from my shed. I did not know what had happened for her until then. I admired her babies and tussled with the feral claws of Articulate - he settled although always remained feral & independent in his own way. His mother and 2 kittens went missing. I cannot bear to think about what happpened. His brother joined our family although he was never meant to stay. I am so glad he has - the sweetest cat I will ever know. Initially they were allowed out to go and play until one night they did not come home. They arrived the following day, grotty but intact. I always thought they had been locked in a shed or garage or something. That was the end of their gallivanting. Indoor cats they became. Articulate never lost his independence and feral view of the world. Cuddles at times on his terms. His beautiful green eyes always shone. It is incredibly hard to say goodbye to him as he deteriorated, he spent the night in bed wrapped around my head. I know he was saying I love you.And as I said goodbye to him today I again said the same. 

Re: Loss & grief

The story of Articulate. Part II. We moved houses 10 years ago, Articulate was a cat that needed familiar territory, although their interim accomodation was the best and the superb owner cared so much, he found this so difficult. We made it to his new home and he aclimatised. H e seemed to like the spaciousness, although he always had his favourite places to be. Bast joined us for a far too short while, Artulate just continued in his chilled out way. Articulate never got involved in the territory wars and the Alpha cat thing. Articulate just ignored this, it didn't matter to him. We all age as did Articulate. Articulate had the super vet check in 2016 and was diagnosed with renal failure and spinal osteoporosis. The vet recommended a low protein diet - I did not do it. I researched and feeding a cat fake grains was to horrible to try. I believe that eating the food that he enjoyed kept him going for all of this time. Articulate became worryingly wobbly a week ago and yet he could still jump onto the bench. I moved everthing I could think of to help him. He loved to sit upstairs in the bedroom window and watch the world. I shall miss this so much. He did well although I would find him at the top of the stairs just unable to climb down. He ate on Saturday morning and that was the last time. Articulate knew, I took him to bed last night and he snuggled on my head for the first ever time. Somehow he made it downstairs and I found him there this morning. No food for Articulate. I syringed water. I built steps and added necessities. I was so afraid that he would fall. It is so hard when you know that the life of your beloved child is over.

Re: Loss & grief

Hi @Bast

 

I am so sorry you about your cat - what can I say? - My old Companion Cat was put to sleep a few weeks ago and it's really so terriby hard - you have a little time left and I hope it's good time

 

He's had a great long life with you - and that's the part to remember when you grieve for him - and we can have them taken out of their suffering because they are our pets - we don't want them to suffer

 

Caring with youHeart

 

Dec

Highlighted

Re: Loss & grief

Thank you so much for your caring & compassion. Today, I did my best to prepare his grave, I so want him to be with my very special Daturas. One came close to dying due to a chlorine leak from my pond - suddendly it started to regrow & now has a another growing. The plant was a gift from a client 20+ years ago it has survived a journey & replanting & now it rejuvinated. I read so much into this miracle it became a sign of healing for me. 

Today was incredibly difficult I just cry & I weeded and dug his grave. I so wanted his funeral to be tonight although this was not meant to be. The ground was so hard I had to water it, I cannot bury him in a pool of mud. He remains in my room wrapped in his embroided shroud, it is so important to me to ensure Articulate has the right resting place & funeral. 

This is Articulate with his brother and the much missed Bast - they were young & well together.

 

Articulate.JPG

Re: Loss & grief

The story of Articulate Part III

Yesterday I knew that Articulate's time we me had concluded. I did everything I could think of to help him feel comfortale. He was curled up in a cat bed on a chair. I went to my private counselling practice & phoned for a vet appointment for euthanasia. The vet agreed to wait until I had completed my sessions. Once I said it, it became real & I cried. I cried & let the receptionist know. I provided 3 counselling sessions & that was all I could do, the others were rescheduled. I kept on crying, my drive home I do not recall. Articulate was still alive, unable to move. I patted and talked to him, he purred. I finally placed another towel around him & took him to the Vet in his bed. I could not shove him into a cat carrier. He cried all the way. We arrived. The Vet I see is wonderfully kind. Articulate and I were allowed time together privately, I held him and he cried with me. The Vet sedated him and allowed us some more time. I signed the form although I could not see through the tears. We went together & he was euthanised. He died while I held his head. He subequently vomited onto the floor, unigestable food. He gave a big sigh and the Vet let me know he had gone. I wrapped him in the towel and snuggled him back into his bed, curled up as he always liked to be. We came home. He rested on the chair that he had used. Somehow I eventually found his shroud and wrapped him. He looked so peaceful all cuddled up back in his bed. Last night I went to him, placed my hands on him and received an incredible gift. Articulate's spirit left whilst I was with him, it was red and then blue. I have willed him to be recieved by the Godess Hecate and to join Bast.I need to feel that he is safe and loved. 

For urgent assistance, call: